ARE YOU DEEP?

 

 
There is a particular writer on Facebook, I don’t know too much about him but I used to be awed by his posts but after a while I became disillusioned, his posts like most of his contemporaries are much of a far cry from objectivity and profound insight. Most of them are usually judgmental and act like they are privy to what goes on in our minds and even in the corridors of power.
I opened my Facebook account years ago and since then, what I have known Facebook to be is a medium for folks to rent or express their innermost feelings or simple doodle their thoughts via a keyboard, a lot of people are intimidated, oppressed, bored, helpless, broke or disillusioned so I tend to be considerate and simply laugh or just click the ‘’like’’ button or overlook the update if I am indifferent to it or if it doesn’t  appeal  to my sensitivities but just because some writer has a number of minions who validate his opinions (I think I have to employ the use of hypnotism so I can have people who will feed and stroke my ego but I really don’t have many fans, fans really make the star, don’t you think?) he keeps going round the same subject of procreation,marriage and social commentary blasé.I don’t care too much about social commentary unless you are proposing a solution, quit castigating and take it upon yourself to affect a change.
The like of Ola Rotimi, Ngugi wa thiongo,Camara laye and many others  had their moments on the mount of Olympus.They told entertaining stories  potent with political satire and post independence. African political and social era and if that is what some people are trying to imitate, I would like them to know that they are doing a terrible job, some literary entities are phenomenal  and by that, I mean inimitable.
Art is dying because the profundities are lost on the young, hip, fun loving and testosterone driven audience who are largely the audience, older man and women who constitute parents and guardians are out in the world trying to earn a living, beating the economy, traffic and the social malaise to provide for their progeny so writers should learn to study the times and move with the trends and quit being a renegade where it isn’t necessary.
AM I DEEP? I love alternative hip hop, rock and jazz, when I am in my element, classical oldies, when I am feeling somber or reflective. When I am online I type the name ‘’Linda Ikeji in the Google search bar and stories and gossip about publicity of our celebrities. I like Wikipedia and IMDB, I like ‘’Black girls are easy’’. I love hip-hop phonies where I can be held the ethereal beauties and phenomenal curves of the video a delight to watch. I like SYBT (should you bump this?) whatever tickles my fancy.
I tried the bohemian life, it was a needless experience for me, I grew my side beards like Wolverine and wore a backpack. I looked like Saul Williams or that duty from the hip hop group the roots. I have a short attention span and if it is not keeping me on the edge of my seat or filling my psychic void or making me drool in half the time ,then I am done with it.
I go deep enough I still listen to Lauryn Hill’s ‘Miseducation of Laureyn Hill’. I have listened to everything from Nas Common. Talib Kweli, Lupe Fiasco and India Arie. I cherish my solitude but at times I got out and rub minds with intelligent people, I find answers to nagging questions even when I am not looking from status updates in my news feed and I also find comic relief from those Akpors  jokes even though I don’t share them on my Facebook wall. I make a daily demand on my creativity. I am a budding copywriter and scriptwriter and I like coming up trumps. So,who is  really deep? Definitely not the man who dresses scruffy or who is lost in the crowd or who is in the mountains eating wild berries or engaging in transubstantiation or the female singer who refuses to shave her legs or the one who  is known for wearing colorful head wrap and hoop earrings.
Deep people are the ones who cherish values and not the changing whims of the crowd, they are flexible but, still retain their depth as they plant themselves next to the water rather than move with the current. They train themselves to never be steered from their goals and they are careful not to allow anyone undermine their values.
My write up could be profiterole, not exactly riddled with gloomy prognostications, I write because it feels like therapy to me. I want to express my thoughts, I want to humor and entertain, I am not overburdened with prejudice, I am not insistent on spearheading campaigns that will probably never change on thing.
I don’t want to impose my opinions or even teach. I am not out to generate accolades or flack because I am light years  past caring. Frustrated writers are the ones who keep beating a lonely path with no support or hope in sight. 
 
 
 
 
 
——————————————————————-
 

A WOMAN’S WORLD[IF THEY RAN THIS WORLD]

Weekends ago,i was conversing with a feminist friend of mine about the differences between the sexes,we must have been bored because we got talking about whose sex was better,the male or the female.Now i agree this topic is time worn and as trivial as following Serena Williams on twitter and i would rather plait my eyebrows before discussing such topic with anyone but the brunt of popular opinion focuses on cues that lead to the sexes’s distinct behaviours,just for laughs,this blog reflects my thoughts on the happenings in a woman’s world as imagined by me.Just my thoughts,right or wrong,granted on an unbiased level field,seriously what would a world ruled by women feel like?

Since we are definitely biased and supposedly from different planets and acclimated to each planet’s society and customs,it got my inspirational juice flowing.I have not given my friend a plausible answer yet(after reeling off a number of songs that extolled the virtues of the woman from tupac’s ‘dear mama’ to shaggy’s strength of a woman’).Who cares about which sex is better,lets just hunt and gather berries together ,well the women engagly actively in the latter.I am not giving her an answer,i would feel like Neyo when it got out that he wrote Beyonce’s irreplaceable,and with the look on her face,i dont think a sacarstic response would suffice.

I didnt want to offend her and i didnt want to disappoint my gender and suffer a guilt trip,needless to say,we parted on a  dour note.We can argue till the cows come home but at the day,it is going to only boil down to one’s perspective.

IF IT WAS A WOMAN’S WORLD.

Chewing gum would sell faster than beer,I would probably be lactating so i can breastfeed the baby also i would babysit no matter my status.hmmmm.I would probably get jail term for staying out late and keeping her up and also for leaving the toilet seat up.Wait a minute,guns would only be legal when i cheat on her,now that would put the fear of God in me to the extent that i will not fall asleep while she is still talking about her hectic day and never bothering to listen to mine.

I would have to sleep face down on the marble floor naked when she is on her period,at the restaurant,male strangers are allowed to open the door and pull out her chair whether i am there or not without trying to chat her up.I must say ‘honey,am home’ whether tired or not,she would hit me across the face with her handbag if i tried to look at other women.There would be a word in the dictionary for men that have an excessive appetite for sex since they have got ‘nymphomaniac’,there would be a timetable for sex and when she is not in the mood,i would have to give her a backrub or a footrub.My female friends,if she allows me have any must be either tomboys,lesbians or downright ugly,she would read my text messages at will.I will take her shopping five days in a week,the other two days,she would visit her friends or her parents.

Every man would wear a T shirt on friday with ‘what a man can do,a woman can do better’ inscribed on it.I would buy property in her name and we would have a joint account,she wouldnt care if it is a life and death situation if she asked me to buy sanitary pads for her and since we both have alibis and assholes,i better not be friends with my ex….

There you have it,this is a woman’s world in my mind,the last thing a woman wants is to be gender stereotyped in social matters or any other matter,particularly the feminists.I met one in school who went as far as debating the customary right of the man to be on top in the missionary position(gist for another day).Why broach a sensitive and controversial,why cant we just talk about the simple things like trptophan or counterespionage,lol.

?

all sentiments,bias and bullshit aside,i think Beyonce Knowles”who run the world’ sucks…

EVER THOUGHT OF THESE QUESTIONS?

Questions,questions,questions..these are many questions that transverse the globe or the human mind(my mind) and come back in full circle unanswered.They come from empathy or plain curiosity,some of these questions are rhetorical but feel free to answer them if you are feeling brainy or in your elements.They are somewhat nagging or mind boggling.I made a list of them,hopefully,its not one read u will regret.

1.Why do bulls go mad(and red in the face)when they see a red cape?

2.How long is a writer’s block supposed to last?

3.Do horses eat cube sugar?

4.who invented the condom?

5.are elephants scared of mice?

5.do prostitutes find wolf whistles offensive?

 

 

7.are women the central focus of why men want to succeed in life?

8.is discovering one s self a thankless task?

9.does smoking cause glaucoma?

10.why does the cock flap its wings before crowing?

11.what is the phobia for birthdays called?

12.why do babies cry when all they want to do is sleep?

13.why call them shooting stars when all they do is fall?

14.if you enjoy teaching sex education,should it be considerd a guilty pleasure?

15.which is more easier to quit?drinking or smoking?

16.Is living in the moment the best bet when it comes to romance?

17.who has more better bladder control?ladies or children?

18.Was Bruno Mars an extra in ‘The Sopranos’?

19.How come the happiest people are the ones with the least reasons to be happy?

20.To tell ghost stories around a camp fire in the movies,is the use of flashback totally necessary?

 

21.Do bears eat honey?

22.Whoever thought of the idea of striped shirts for referees?

………………………………………..

 

my version of ‘the sunscreen’ by Baz Luhrmann

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of ‘012

if i could offer you a tip for the future…

it would be more than one…

this is definitely unsolicited advice(and since am known

to always place my tongue before my teeth,

here we go…

OVERSIMPLIFY,cant tell you enough..

understand that once out of school,its really going to be hard to read…

your opinion doesnt count,still you are entitled to it..thats life

Marry only for love,dont dwell on broken relationships and heartbreaks,

thank your stars,they just saved you from being an incorrigible romantic.

Always have good intentions but never wear your heart on your sleeve.

Your greatest fear is the fear of the unknown,feel the fear and do what you have to anyway

eat only when you are invited…

dont pride yourself on your memory,you will begin to forget things easily.

dont expect to be rewarded for your kindness,thats not how you get to be nice,you should naturally come by it.

Unless you are at the top of your game,try not to use hot water all the time,

once in a while,watch a movie without subtitles,

dont moonwalk in the bathtub(you should ask me)

flush twice,i cant be grahic on this one.

every now and then,go for a medical checkup,

go to a spa too..

Sometimes,honesty could be a faux pas(nobility even)you woudnt admit to a fart in a ballroom

or an elevator,would you?

if you are bored,count your blessings.

Read the book of Ecclesiastes if you are going way too fast,it will slow you down.

in arguments,know when to walk away or at least,know when to stop talking.

Never ponder the reason for your happiness or you will end up sad.

Listen to soothing music at night,

watch football games but dont listen to the sport analysts,they are one bias bunch..

be your brother s keeper but have a genuine  reason to give hin your vote of confidence.

with all this in mind,i will leave you with this last pice of advice,time is irrecoverable and precious so never say’WHAT’S TWO MINUTES OUT OF YOUR LIFE?

look out for the next edition…