Weekends ago,i was conversing with a feminist friend of mine about the differences between the sexes,we must have been bored because we got talking about whose sex was better,the male or the female.Now i agree this topic is time worn and as trivial as following Serena Williams on twitter and i would rather plait my eyebrows before discussing such topic with anyone but the brunt of popular opinion focuses on cues that lead to the sexes’s distinct behaviours,just for laughs,this blog reflects my thoughts on the happenings in a woman’s world as imagined by me.Just my thoughts,right or wrong,granted on an unbiased level field,seriously what would a world ruled by women feel like?
Since we are definitely biased and supposedly from different planets and acclimated to each planet’s society and customs,it got my inspirational juice flowing.I have not given my friend a plausible answer yet(after reeling off a number of songs that extolled the virtues of the woman from tupac’s ‘dear mama’ to shaggy’s strength of a woman’).Who cares about which sex is better,lets just hunt and gather berries together ,well the women engagly actively in the latter.I am not giving her an answer,i would feel like Neyo when it got out that he wrote Beyonce’s irreplaceable,and with the look on her face,i dont think a sacarstic response would suffice.
I didnt want to offend her and i didnt want to disappoint my gender and suffer a guilt trip,needless to say,we parted on a dour note.We can argue till the cows come home but at the day,it is going to only boil down to one’s perspective.
IF IT WAS A WOMAN’S WORLD.
Chewing gum would sell faster than beer,I would probably be lactating so i can breastfeed the baby also i would babysit no matter my status.hmmmm.I would probably get jail term for staying out late and keeping her up and also for leaving the toilet seat up.Wait a minute,guns would only be legal when i cheat on her,now that would put the fear of God in me to the extent that i will not fall asleep while she is still talking about her hectic day and never bothering to listen to mine.
I would have to sleep face down on the marble floor naked when she is on her period,at the restaurant,male strangers are allowed to open the door and pull out her chair whether i am there or not without trying to chat her up.I must say ‘honey,am home’ whether tired or not,she would hit me across the face with her handbag if i tried to look at other women.There would be a word in the dictionary for men that have an excessive appetite for sex since they have got ‘nymphomaniac’,there would be a timetable for sex and when she is not in the mood,i would have to give her a backrub or a footrub.My female friends,if she allows me have any must be either tomboys,lesbians or downright ugly,she would read my text messages at will.I will take her shopping five days in a week,the other two days,she would visit her friends or her parents.
Every man would wear a T shirt on friday with ‘what a man can do,a woman can do better’ inscribed on it.I would buy property in her name and we would have a joint account,she wouldnt care if it is a life and death situation if she asked me to buy sanitary pads for her and since we both have alibis and assholes,i better not be friends with my ex….
There you have it,this is a woman’s world in my mind,the last thing a woman wants is to be gender stereotyped in social matters or any other matter,particularly the feminists.I met one in school who went as far as debating the customary right of the man to be on top in the missionary position(gist for another day).Why broach a sensitive and controversial,why cant we just talk about the simple things like trptophan or counterespionage,lol.
all sentiments,bias and bullshit aside,i think Beyonce Knowles”who run the world’ sucks…
Questions,questions,questions..these are many questions that transverse the globe or the human mind(my mind) and come back in full circle unanswered.They come from empathy or plain curiosity,some of these questions are rhetorical but feel free to answer them if you are feeling brainy or in your elements.They are somewhat nagging or mind boggling.I made a list of them,hopefully,its not one read u will regret.
1.Why do bulls go mad(and red in the face)when they see a red cape?
2.How long is a writer’s block supposed to last?
3.Do horses eat cube sugar?
4.who invented the condom?
5.are elephants scared of mice?
5.do prostitutes find wolf whistles offensive?
7.are women the central focus of why men want to succeed in life?
8.is discovering one s self a thankless task?
9.does smoking cause glaucoma?
10.why does the cock flap its wings before crowing?
11.what is the phobia for birthdays called?
12.why do babies cry when all they want to do is sleep?
13.why call them shooting stars when all they do is fall?
14.if you enjoy teaching sex education,should it be considerd a guilty pleasure?
15.which is more easier to quit?drinking or smoking?
16.Is living in the moment the best bet when it comes to romance?
17.who has more better bladder control?ladies or children?
18.Was Bruno Mars an extra in ‘The Sopranos’?
19.How come the happiest people are the ones with the least reasons to be happy?
20.To tell ghost stories around a camp fire in the movies,is the use of flashback totally necessary?
21.Do bears eat honey?
22.Whoever thought of the idea of striped shirts for referees?
Ladies and gentlemen of the class of ’012
if i could offer you a tip for the future…
it would be more than one…
this is definitely unsolicited advice(and since am known
to always place my tongue before my teeth,
here we go…
OVERSIMPLIFY,cant tell you enough..
understand that once out of school,its really going to be hard to read…
your opinion doesnt count,still you are entitled to it..thats life
Marry only for love,dont dwell on broken relationships and heartbreaks,
thank your stars,they just saved you from being an incorrigible romantic.
Always have good intentions but never wear your heart on your sleeve.
Your greatest fear is the fear of the unknown,feel the fear and do what you have to anyway
eat only when you are invited…
dont pride yourself on your memory,you will begin to forget things easily.
dont expect to be rewarded for your kindness,thats not how you get to be nice,you should naturally come by it.
Unless you are at the top of your game,try not to use hot water all the time,
once in a while,watch a movie without subtitles,
dont moonwalk in the bathtub(you should ask me)
flush twice,i cant be grahic on this one.
every now and then,go for a medical checkup,
go to a spa too..
Sometimes,honesty could be a faux pas(nobility even)you woudnt admit to a fart in a ballroom
or an elevator,would you?
if you are bored,count your blessings.
Read the book of Ecclesiastes if you are going way too fast,it will slow you down.
in arguments,know when to walk away or at least,know when to stop talking.
Never ponder the reason for your happiness or you will end up sad.
Listen to soothing music at night,
watch football games but dont listen to the sport analysts,they are one bias bunch..
be your brother s keeper but have a genuine reason to give hin your vote of confidence.
with all this in mind,i will leave you with this last pice of advice,time is irrecoverable and precious so never say’WHAT’S TWO MINUTES OUT OF YOUR LIFE?
look out for the next edition…